ventito | Fenris - Dragon Age

[It all started with the stupid chocolates and only got worse from there. Fenris was an enigma, filled with opinions he didn't deviate from that only made sense when he explained them and the most amazingly dry sense of humor Jove has ever come across. She had liked him right away, but the attraction had been more of a slow burn.

It's impossible to ignore that it exists now, though. Now she's been spending a day a week with him, locked up in his room alone with him as she helps him pick up the business of reading. It hadn't been much at first, friends sitting near enough that she could point out which letters he should be putting emphasis on, but as time went on she was able to lean a little more into his personal space without him flinching.

Now he's sitting while she stands beside him, one hand braced on the back of his chair while the other supports her weight against the desk he's at. Close, but not too close. It's a delicate line to ride and the last thing she wants to do is make him uncomfortable.]

You're coming up to a tough one now, here. [She points to the word on the page, honest, with its traitorous silent H.] Someone decided words with letters that don't have a sound was a good idea. Try it without the first letter.

[Fenris has always been dismissive of the Dalish, of other elves in general. Merrill didn't exactly give him a good starting point on such things, and he came out of the gate jaded about them. Jove has started to make him see they aren't all fools. That some are even people to be respected, admired. It's surprised him.

The rest is more surprising, as with everyone he allows near to him, Jove brings up jumbled feelings in him. He always struggles with such things, how close to let people in, how much he should trust them without fearing they will use him. Jove is a good person, he knows that much. And so, he allows her closer than most.

He huffs out in annoyance, leaning in to squint at the letter.]

Why have the letter at all if you are not meant to speak it?

[Words are stupid. ]

One'st?

[She laughs softly at the question, because it's something she's wondered on her own often enough.]

I suppose it must be just to drive us crazy. That was good, though.

[And then she forgets, just for a moment, to keep distance between them. She's always doing things like putting her hand on Dorian's arm or giving affectionate pats to the shoulders of her friends, and like it or not she considers Fenris that now. Her hand leaves the back of the chair and rests on his back, rubbing absently in a small sign of approval.]

Honest. I'll give that one to you though, you got very close.

[His back tenses, for a moment. Mostly because he wasn't expecting the touch. The concern is brief, and he relaxes quickly. She's not going to harm him. He knows this. He gives a low, rumbling chuckle.]

That is not how I expected that word to look like.

[It's not until she feels him go still under her hand that Jove realizes she's just crossed that line she had tried so hard to stay away from, and she's just about to snatch her hand back and apologize when he laughs. She feels it against her palm and takes the chance, lets her hand go on resting there just to see if it will go on being okay.]

They can be a surprise sometimes. Have you ever seen your name written out?

Once or twice, yes. Hawke would write it out for me.

[He seems relaxed, at least. A rarity for him in the company of others. ]

[She had managed to get a hold of a few quills and some ink on the planets they had visited, and she reaches for those now, bringing them closer before getting a piece of paper in front of him.]

Why don't you try writing it? Your name is usually one of the most important things to learn to write.

[Here, he hesitates his brow furrowing a little. ]

I have only learned to read a little. I never had the chance to move onto writing.

[She sweeps the end of the quill against his neck, tickling playfully just for a second before she dips it into the ink and sets it over the paper.]

Put your hand over mine while I write it, then. Get a feel for it.

[He huffs out a sound of amusement at the tickling, ducking his head, a wry smile crossing his lips, before carefully putting his hand over hers. The lyrium is cooler than the rest of his skin, something he never really thinks about. ]

I will try.

[Just based on his usual demeanor, the way he acted their first meeting and in conversations she's heard him having with other people, it's been clear from the beginning Fenris hadn't spent much of his life experiencing what happiness felt like. That laugh, that smile, Jove recognizes them for the rare things they are and feels honored to have caused them. Fenris deserves to have things to smile about, and the rush of affection for him that she feels has nothing to do with his hand covering hers.

Vaguely she can feel the tingle of lyrium against the back of her hand, but she ignores it the best she can. Getting distracted now won't help anyone, so instead she uses her other hand to fit his fingers around the quill like he's holding it himself and starts to write his name out in a very simple script.]

You should give yourself more credit, Fenris.

[Fenris falters, for just a moment. This sort of closeness is always strange for him. He feels safe with Jove, but there's still a considerable wall of nervousness to get over. He clears his throat, trying to ignore his increasing heart rate, copying her movements. ]

It is not something I am used to doing.

I know.

[She doesn't mean for that to come out as softly as it does, but it's impossible not to respond to the way he struggled a bit just there. Even though it's just their hands, the contact still feels far more intimate than it should and once she's reached the S in his name Jove realizes she isn't ready for this to be over yet, so she starts it all over again.

For practice, she tells herself.]

But you can do anything you want now, Fenris. You can have things you want, even if it's as simple as chocolate or writing.

[And he allows it. Practise is important. He frowns, trying to concentrated on his name and the writing of it, and finding it increasingly difficult. Eventually, he gives up and turns to look at her. ]

I've been free for years now, and I am still unused to having what I want.

[Because of the writing, they're close enough that when he turns his head and speaks, there isn't a lot of room between them. She can feel his breath against her neck and it doesn't matter how hard she tries to keep from reacting to it, it still sends a shiver through her.

When she turns her head to answer him, she focuses on what she's saying and not at all how close they are, how lovely his eyes look, and certainly not on how all she would have to do to kiss him is lean forward a little.]

I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes, but I think that might have to do with never letting yourself think about the things you would want before now. If you can't put a finger on what you want, it would make sense you wouldn't be used to getting it yet. Maybe spend some time thinking of frivolous things, new clothes and food, or just things other people have that you think you would like, and make a list? Or, well, let me know and I'll write the list for you.

[She smiles at him, kindly. She doesn't know if he'll take this to heart or even appreciate her suggestions at all, but she hopes he will. She hopes she can help him adjust to what freedom is supposed to feel like.]

[His breath catches, when he realises how close he is to her, how near he is to some point of no return. He could very easily lean forward and kiss her, he knows this, and he has an inner struggle over it, before heaving out a sigh.]

You understand better than most. [His hand closes around hers a little, a gentle squeeze. ] Thank you. You are better to me than I really deserve.

[She squeezes his hand back, thumb rubbing against the side of his hand affectionately as she lays the other hand on his shoulder.]

I'm exactly as good to you as you deserve. And if you're trying to distract me from teaching you by being far too charming, it's working.

[He chuckles, low in his throat, his smile turning lopsided, almost flirty. Or flirty for him, anyway. ]

I was not aware that I was all that charming. It seems this is certainly a day of learning.

You're just a natural, it would seem.

[And despite all her attempts to keep things slow with Fenris, to keep her feelings under wraps, that laugh and that grin and have her forgetting herself long enough to treat him like she would anyone else. She closes that distance between them and kisses his cheek, softly, before she even realizes what she's doing.]

[There is a brief moment of hesitation, where he needs to choose between his usual desire to flee, and what he actually wants. His eyes narrow, for a second, frustrated at his own indecision, before shifting his head to capture her lips in a kiss, ]

[She's surprised at first and almost, almost deepens the kiss, tries to make it more, but this should be something Fenris sets the pace of. She's been talking about him making his own choices, finding what he wants and getting it, and it would make her a horrible hypocrite if she pushed him now.

Instead she kisses him back softly, lips slightly parted and her hand moving from his shoulder to cup his jaw. Acceptance, an invitation to take more if he wants to, it's all there in that one gentle touch.]

[It takes him a moment, to just allow this to be what it is, instead of letting it panic him, letting the fear get a hold of him and force him to pull away. Pushing all of that back, he turns in his seat to face her better, the one hand upon hers tightening gently as he deepens the kiss. ]

[In that moment, Jove's happiness over Fenris kissing her back only has a little to do with it being something she's admittedly considered more than once. Yes, she had wanted to kiss him, but more important is that Fenris wanted to kiss her as well, and was letting himself do exactly that. She's happy for him, and happy he feels comfortable enough with her to do this.

Her grip on his hand tightens as well, grounding him and reassuring him that she's there for him. Her lips move against his slowly, and when she pulls away it's only to tilt her head and get a better angle when she leans in to kiss him again.]

[He tries not to think too much on what he's doing. Thinking brings in doubt, and he doesn't want that right now. Perhaps, this is truly his problem. It's not that he doesn't know what he wants, it's that he's afraid to reach out and take it.

He continues to kiss her until the need for air makes him break apart, but he doesn't move far. His face remains close to hers, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. ]

[If that's the problem, it's one that will be easy enough to solve. She has no problems with simply giving herself to him, helping him take the love and affection he undoubtedly deserves.

She smiles and kisses his jaw, brings their joined hand to her waist and flattens his hand against it, helps him curl his fingers around her and take hold of her.]

You're a good kisser, too. I don't believe there's anything you can't do.

Fenris stop banging all the inquisitions

CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP

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